I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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