Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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