38 yer olds are good kisserssss
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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