oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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