no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
