shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
