You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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