Duck Duck Cougar?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
