I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
