Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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