i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
