I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
