I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
