She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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