so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
