Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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