wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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