If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
