Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am available for nakedness
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