I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
