marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
