i don't like sucking hair
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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