I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i would punch a child for taco bell
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
