I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
