he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
