They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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