I wish i was in the wii world.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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