I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
pop tarts are not kleenex
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
