There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
