I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
