where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
