How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
