We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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