She's JV to your varsity
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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