Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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