i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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