obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
