what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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