Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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