were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
