You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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