someone threw a dead crab at me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
