you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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