dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
