I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why are your pants in the freezer?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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