and she was petting her beer can
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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