I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
