so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He better not be in your backpack
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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