I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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