Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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